do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Randomize
