I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
