Don't you send me to vm
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
