Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
