Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
