tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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