Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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