The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
zippers are such a cool invention
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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