a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
