I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
