If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Randomize
