dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
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girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
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Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
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