when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize