dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
