When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
It's shark week go big or go home
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
