It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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