You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
