i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
