My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
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So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
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I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
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