Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
