I think scott just propositioned me for sex
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
