so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
