I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
My vagina just clenched in fear
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
