The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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