hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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