Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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