I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
