I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
