well I can't set my house on fire every night
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
