its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
