I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
operation have a gay friend backfired
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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