My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
