My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
