Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
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I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
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Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
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