Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
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I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
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We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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