Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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