maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize