i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
