had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
