I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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