Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
