Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize