SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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