He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I need moral support for this bender
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
