I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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