i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
