I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
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Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
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