my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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