so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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