If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
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