Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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