Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
