I should be sponsored by Trojan
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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