Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
