He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
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