I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
