dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
last night I used snow as a chaser
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
