nut hugger
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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