I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
