I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Randomize
