fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
