3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
