Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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