i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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