I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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