I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
