Im at strip club and am horny
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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