It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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