it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Watching her eat just hurts me
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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