I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
