there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
