I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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