Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
