Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
she looked like the before picture.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
