i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
