Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
my poor anus
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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